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4.27.2011

Before a was a Mom I was a freaking GENIUS with kids.

Complete. Child. Expert.

(Um...ya...I was a little arrogant about it. ;)

I do have a lot of experience (7-8 years and a bachelor's degree) educating and caring for other people's children.  But when I became a Mother a year and a half ago...the child rearing professional in me suddenly disappeared.  

My daughter and I.
 Every once in a while, I have someone who knows a little bit about my education background who asks me a question.  Aaaaaannnd....Either I don't want to come across sounding like a know-it-all or I have just plain forgotten.  Not everything, but most things that I know, would probably help them.  If I happen to have an answer come to me off the top of my head (rare), I try to share it but still feel scared. (Yes, fear...I know.)

You see...it's kind of like a nurse or doctor coming across a car accident.  They have the training, they see the situation, and they are obligated to stop.  They may not know exactly what to do right away, but they know that they have the training and they should use it when a medical need arises.  If they were to drive right past, nobody would be the wiser.  But they would know they passed up the opportunity to help.

For me, I see a situation where a Mom is struggling... not just a random situation on a bad day....but perhaps a friend who is having trouble with a certain child behavior.  Maybe they are refusing to potty-train.  Maybe they are showing aggression.  Maybe they won't pick up their toys when you ask them to.  The parents are concerned with the situation and they talk about it. 

It's funny, I'm around other Mom's quite a bit and we talk about certain behaviors and situations with our kids and how to handle them.  Some people give advice.   Some people give LOTS (to much) advice.  Some people sit back and listen.  Some people have a great heap of good advice but don't give it...

When I was a student studying early-childhood education, I vowed that I would be an advocate for parents and children.   And here's me...I admit...sometimes I drive right past.  Because I'm fearful...I pass up an opportunity to help.  I'm scared that I might not know exactly what to do, or even worse... what if I'm wrong... what if my suggestion doesn't work?!?

I can usually figure out the main problem behind the situation, I know where to find good information and how to implement help in a successful way.  I know I have resources that can help... but, I just don't want to give unsolicited advice.  (That can be really annoying.)

With children, each day presents itself with a new or reoccurring problem or situation that has to be worked out.  Most of the time the behavior or problem requires a parents help to fix it.  

So answer me this:  Do I help???  Do I give advice???  What do I do???

9 comments:

Brianna Tuckett said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Brianna Tuckett said...

Sorry, the deleted comment was me. My computer was acting very strange, so I will try this again :) For me, when I become a parent I know that I am going to need all the help I can get, so I would be and am VERY open to advice especially from one so knowledgable as yourself. Maybe a suggestion I would give is to perhaps ask if you can give advice by saying something like, "May I make a suggestion?" or something like that. That way you are not being pushy. Just my opinion :)

MAK said...

I happen to know a girl who is in school (I wont say what for) and she likes to "give people advice" like she knows what she is talking about. I'm not sure why but it really bugs me. Maybe it's just her maybe it's because she hasn't graduated, maybe it's me. Who knows. That being said sometimes I want advice sometimes I don't. I think it would be best to decide case by case. Follow your "gut."

Trapper said...

I hope I don't annoy you with all of my advice. : ) Sometimes I figure if I know the person well enough, I can give advice without coming off arrogant or a know-it-all. Which, let's face it, if you know me, you know I'm clueless half the time. lol So, I usually just can't help giving advice if I know something worked for me. Like that sleeping book! Anyway, this is all good to keep in mind. I like Brianna's idea: "May I make a suggestion?" I'll have to use that.

Kimi said...

I, for one, would love any help you could give...especially for a certain 3 1/2 year old that doesn't like to listen......

You know, what I've come to understand is that it never hurts to listen to someone's advice - just because you listen doesn't mean you have to do it. So share your experiences and knowledge! Who knows when what you say will be helpful :)

Trapper said...

whoops...that's Suzy...not Trapper. haha Wouldn't that be funny if it was him?

Luke and Katie said...

First, I think that you are EXTREMELY knowledgeable about so many things! I think that is quite a gift.
I think that because you have so much info, why not share it? I think that if you "feel" out the conversation and see that someone is struggling, go to town..and HELP a PERSON OUT!! :)
On the other hand, don't be sad if they just don't listen. Some people are like that! ;) (And maybe their kids aren't ready for the 'change' either) Whatever it is, You rock!

Luke and Katie said...

wow...reading over my comment, I said, "I think" way too much..but you get the idea! hehe

The Beck Bunch said...

That's a hard one. Some people love advice while others hate it. I guess just go with what your know about the person. If they seem willing to accept most other advice then they are probably ok with you sharing! Good luck, sorry I don't have any good advice! ;)